I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
