cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
