i wish starbucks made bloody marys
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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