is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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