You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
