So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
