I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
