I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
