I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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