just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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