you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
