I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
