1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
