Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
