did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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