the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
