Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
