im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
