There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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