Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
