I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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