Whod you bang
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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