so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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