Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
