I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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