this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
