why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
