I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
