No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I want is dick and wine.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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