I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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