yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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