Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
