Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Randomize
