I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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