I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
