is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
