Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
