Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
