please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Found your dick twin last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
