pop tarts are not kleenex
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
