Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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