Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
