That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
