They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
