I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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