so that wasnt chicken after all
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
