there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your penis caused this!
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