I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We named our party play list daddy issues
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
