Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
