How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
