Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
