Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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